[The word bitter is on the tip of his tongue but he wants to hear Eddie answer that one. Giving jokes to him was just another favorite past time.]
We've covered this. I'm into it. Everything about you. The anxious part of you and the bratty part of you. Basically all parts of you.
Specifically certain parts of you.
[The stillness makes Richie think he might've flubbed it again. Romance as much as he loved it, wasn't his strong suit. He didn't just sweep anyone off his feet, no, he was work too. That's why they worked well together.]
Of course.
[It had been on his mind since the very beginning, since the night that they had gone all the way. Richie wanted to really do it, without outside interference but the idea of that made his heart beat wildly against the bars of his ribcage like a contained animal.]
I get it. I mean, I've told you enough - sometimes it's important to feel like you've got the control.
[Even though neither of them did, there was a weird regime and they had to answer to it the same way everyone else did. They had the benefit of being given better roles in this society but the message remained the same.]
An emotionally closed off asshole who's difficult to read even on a good day?
(Coming from anyone else that might have been a biting criticism, but Eddie doesn't say it like it's actually the worst thing ever. Just like Richie had fallen in love with the difficult parts about Eddie, Eddie had fallen in love with Richie and all of his walls and the way he guarded himself with ten layers of jokes. Half the time it was Richie's personality that wound up making Eddie a better version of himself anyway. He knew Richie was probably the most loving of the Losers. He just loved differently than most. Eddie was clearly fine with that.
His mouth pops open in mock-offense, a faux gasp leaving him.)
Bratty? I've...never been bratty a day in my life. Excuse you.
(But he's already grinning, not quite able to keep up that facade. Eddie wasn't much better at the romance thing either. That grin's gentler, nervous. He had been wanting to do it for real with Richie too, and some part of him was crushingly insecure about how long it's taken. He had figured he wasn't enough for Richie. His mouth gives a telling tremble and he's looking down at the water.)
I just figured...(He pauses, wondering how much he should really give away. But he's drunk enough that he doesn't wonder for too long.)
I wasn't sure...if you even wanted to? It's just. I never wanted you to feel pressured, but then I get scared if I don't try and...I don't know...seduce you or something then you might...
(Become disinterested. Leave. Find someone better. Eddie doesn't say any of that. He gives a tiny sniff, rubbing at the tip of his own nose.
He looks back up at Richie, giving a small nod.)
Yeah. I guess. I don't even know if it's about control for me. I don't think I've ever been in control of anything all my life. It's mostly because I feel I have to. Or...Because it feels like it's the only real way I know how to live anymore. I just try to make myself feel less.
(It's a blunt admission, but he figures he might as well admit as much to Richie. In this place it felt more important than ever to work numbly.)
Yeah, well, you already used me so now you can't return me.
[Richie might as well be miming his younger self tonight. He's a pile of goo in the tub across from Eddie, lulled into absolute bliss from the warm water and their kiss from earlier.]
You've been bratty every single day of your life, whoever told you that you and never bratty all existed in the same sentence was a liar.
[The joking is easy, the discussion about the semantics of sex? Not so much. Richie leans forward and meets Eddie's nervous look with a slightly uncomfortable look of his own. Talking feelings wasn't ever his strong suit.]
Yeah, I want to. I didn't feel pressured, dude, it's just- I didn't want to mess anything up.
[That's what he did, after all. That was his place in the losers club as the loveable fuck up. All he was good for was some well-timed jokes and not knowing when to quit.]
I'll be honest. Control's a myth, but I like you - I mean, even when you're high strung and freaking out. So, you don't have to water yourself down around me. I like my Eddie pure and unfiltered.
Is that the policy? Well, thank goodness I didn't have plans to replace you anytime soon.
(Eddie was full-on smirking between Richie's joke at himself and then Richie's joke about him being bratty.)
I said that. Guess I'm the liar. (Which he was fine with. His eyes were sparkling a little, but there's a shift to serious and he frowns at Richie.)
You're not gonna mess anything up. If anything I feel like I'm the one who's probably gonna fuck us over. You're like. Significantly more mature about this place than I am.
(Eddie's been having tantrums and meltdowns every other day it felt like. Even if he didn't project all of them all the time.)
I like you too, Richie. The real deal. Trashmouth and all. You're pretty much it for me.
[Richie mirrors Eddie's smile, tempted to lean in and kiss him. That urge gets replaced with the shift in conversation, and instead of doing that he reaches forward and loops his fingers into Eddie's.]
I'm pretty sure that's the only time anyone's ever said that I'm mature.
And you're my spaghetti head. I wouldn't have it any other way.
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no subject
[The word bitter is on the tip of his tongue but he wants to hear Eddie answer that one. Giving jokes to him was just another favorite past time.]
We've covered this. I'm into it. Everything about you. The anxious part of you and the bratty part of you. Basically all parts of you.
Specifically certain parts of you.
[The stillness makes Richie think he might've flubbed it again. Romance as much as he loved it, wasn't his strong suit. He didn't just sweep anyone off his feet, no, he was work too. That's why they worked well together.]
Of course.
[It had been on his mind since the very beginning, since the night that they had gone all the way. Richie wanted to really do it, without outside interference but the idea of that made his heart beat wildly against the bars of his ribcage like a contained animal.]
I get it. I mean, I've told you enough - sometimes it's important to feel like you've got the control.
[Even though neither of them did, there was a weird regime and they had to answer to it the same way everyone else did. They had the benefit of being given better roles in this society but the message remained the same.]
no subject
(Coming from anyone else that might have been a biting criticism, but Eddie doesn't say it like it's actually the worst thing ever. Just like Richie had fallen in love with the difficult parts about Eddie, Eddie had fallen in love with Richie and all of his walls and the way he guarded himself with ten layers of jokes. Half the time it was Richie's personality that wound up making Eddie a better version of himself anyway. He knew Richie was probably the most loving of the Losers. He just loved differently than most. Eddie was clearly fine with that.
His mouth pops open in mock-offense, a faux gasp leaving him.)
Bratty? I've...never been bratty a day in my life. Excuse you.
(But he's already grinning, not quite able to keep up that facade. Eddie wasn't much better at the romance thing either. That grin's gentler, nervous. He had been wanting to do it for real with Richie too, and some part of him was crushingly insecure about how long it's taken. He had figured he wasn't enough for Richie. His mouth gives a telling tremble and he's looking down at the water.)
I just figured...(He pauses, wondering how much he should really give away. But he's drunk enough that he doesn't wonder for too long.)
I wasn't sure...if you even wanted to? It's just. I never wanted you to feel pressured, but then I get scared if I don't try and...I don't know...seduce you or something then you might...
(Become disinterested. Leave. Find someone better. Eddie doesn't say any of that. He gives a tiny sniff, rubbing at the tip of his own nose.
He looks back up at Richie, giving a small nod.)
Yeah. I guess. I don't even know if it's about control for me. I don't think I've ever been in control of anything all my life. It's mostly because I feel I have to. Or...Because it feels like it's the only real way I know how to live anymore. I just try to make myself feel less.
(It's a blunt admission, but he figures he might as well admit as much to Richie. In this place it felt more important than ever to work numbly.)
no subject
[Richie might as well be miming his younger self tonight. He's a pile of goo in the tub across from Eddie, lulled into absolute bliss from the warm water and their kiss from earlier.]
You've been bratty every single day of your life, whoever told you that you and never bratty all existed in the same sentence was a liar.
[The joking is easy, the discussion about the semantics of sex? Not so much. Richie leans forward and meets Eddie's nervous look with a slightly uncomfortable look of his own. Talking feelings wasn't ever his strong suit.]
Yeah, I want to. I didn't feel pressured, dude, it's just- I didn't want to mess anything up.
[That's what he did, after all. That was his place in the losers club as the loveable fuck up. All he was good for was some well-timed jokes and not knowing when to quit.]
I'll be honest. Control's a myth, but I like you - I mean, even when you're high strung and freaking out. So, you don't have to water yourself down around me. I like my Eddie pure and unfiltered.
no subject
(Eddie was full-on smirking between Richie's joke at himself and then Richie's joke about him being bratty.)
I said that. Guess I'm the liar. (Which he was fine with. His eyes were sparkling a little, but there's a shift to serious and he frowns at Richie.)
You're not gonna mess anything up. If anything I feel like I'm the one who's probably gonna fuck us over. You're like. Significantly more mature about this place than I am.
(Eddie's been having tantrums and meltdowns every other day it felt like. Even if he didn't project all of them all the time.)
I like you too, Richie. The real deal. Trashmouth and all. You're pretty much it for me.
no subject
[Richie mirrors Eddie's smile, tempted to lean in and kiss him. That urge gets replaced with the shift in conversation, and instead of doing that he reaches forward and loops his fingers into Eddie's.]
I'm pretty sure that's the only time anyone's ever said that I'm mature.
And you're my spaghetti head. I wouldn't have it any other way.